Anyway, the new blog is up as a group project from the whole Vintage 56 crew, and I think it will be a great place to hear some of my friends talk about current projects and what we’re all learning about video, graphics, audio, iPhone development, etc. In the future, I plan on making sure that all of my most accessible web/iPhone goodness ends up on there. I’ll keep using this blog for the more personal and/or deeply nerdy discussions, though, so have no fear. I’ll also keep more sardonic posts on here. I know what you come here for.

In other news, my beautiful, thoughtful wife saw the new Vintage 56 website and blog and immediately gave me her unconditional encouragement: “You really need to update Pocket Revolutionary…  it’s pretty dated.” On that note, I’ll probably start working on that redesign right after I finish her new website.

Aside from my attack on the bourgeoisie of TYPO3 templating, I wanted to mention my big new adventure: Vintage 56. Yes, although I may hate the escapade that was freelancing (on the side), I’m really excited about getting to form an honest-to-goodness production/design agency with some great people that I’ve worked with at Generals International for years. Basically, we’ve figured out how to make our own mark doing web, iPhone apps, graphics, video, and audio production with clients we love and help out a ministry by donating a large portion of our profits to Generals. Actually, we’re helping a lot of ministries and medium-size companies right now because they’re getting the full agency treatment without the full agency budget. Basically, I get to work with really talented people, and I wanted to brag on them. You can check out http://vin56.com to see what I’m talking about (yes, the video works on iPads, iPhones, and iPods).

p.s. – You need to check out our graphic designer’s blog…  she’s awesome.

p.p.s. – We will be launching another blog for Vintage 56 soon, but I’ve been slacking off– writing a frickin’ book. Stop pestering me. Seriously. I need to go.

How does this affect this blog that I’ve been trying to write in more consistently? Well, I’m forcing myself to write an extra hour a night, and at least every once in a while that has to mean something other than “the book”. In fact, in the interest of writing a clear instructional book, I will be channeling 90% of my snarkiness, obscure cultural references, and general temperament toward outlets like this and the occasional telemarketer. The remaining 10% will probably make it into the book in a much more palatable dosage. On the side of helpful effects, though, this will give me more experience writing genuinely instructive articles. I’m already planning on blogging my process a little for those who haven’t already read the thousands of blog articles covering the same topic (I promise, I’ll offer something different…  like what word processor and meth dealers I use for late night working).

More than that, though, my mom was my model of a great writer. She spent her whole life wanting to reach people with her words, and she loved the writing freedom that came with the web more than anybody I’ve personally known. She blogged, twittered, and Facebook-ed her way into so many lives this past year, and I know it’s because she reached people with honesty. Anybody can say you should “write with honesty”, but it’s so rare to have a model of what it really means to write from your pain and to truly connect on that deepest, scarred level that we all share.

Because of this slow digression it is easy to catch myself dwelling on all the things I can no longer do or will never do again. A Coleman commercial on television reminds me that my camping days are permanently over. A Six Flags ad reminds me that my last ride on the “Superman” ride three summers ago was my last. Are these laments true? Yes. Honest? Yes. Just? not really (in my eyes) and they are certainly not pure or lovely – and contentment goes right out the door.

I will not find contentment concentrating only on the possibility of my healing but on focusing on those things that are EVERYTHING Philippians 4:8 lists. We cannot cajole anyone into their healing by carelessly quoting Scriptures or platitudes. That is exactly what Job’s friends did and in the end their voices (and I think their ears) were silenced by the booming voice of God who boldly asked Job dozens of rhetorical questions that all had the same answer – God and God alone because He IS Sovereign – period.

How Content I’m Not…  An Honest Confession – Kathleen Gabrielle

Kathleen Anne Gabrielle passed away quickly Tuesday, August 18th, 2009 in her home with her roommate and my wife by her side (and me running to the store to grab her a fan to help her breathing). She wrote many places, but the last place she wrote (with a final posting three days before she passed) was her most devoted project, An Open Heart Journal, which I recommend reading from the beginning. Many of her final posts took her almost a whole day to type (and included actual typos for the first time in her life), but she never quit. I guess that was her final lesson to me.

The identified phases [of burnout - not in a particular order], several of which I bet sound familiar, are:

• A compulsion to prove oneself
• Working harder
• Neglecting one’s own needs
• Displacement of conflict (the person does not realize the root cause of the distress)
• Revision of values (friends, family, hobbies, etc., are dismissed)
• Denial of emerging problems (cynicism, aggression, and frustration become apparent)
• Withdrawal from social contexts, potential for alcohol or drug abuse
• Behavioral changes become more visible to others
• Inner emptiness
• Depression
• Burnout syndrome (including suicidal thoughts and complete mental and physical collapse)

A List Apart – Burnout

I was (kind of) committed to writing last year. I had worked myself to a quivering puddle, but I had saved up all of my vacation days to splurge them in December in a relaxing three weeks of writing, reading, and video games. Unfortunately, just a few days into my bliss my father died. My world turned upside-down, and I dropped everything that didn’t have to do with family or funerals. I dedicated the front page of this blog to a memorial and watched as comments rolled in dedicated to my dad. At that point, I was swept up in the tornado of family, funerals, and estate management, so I couldn’t write. Honestly, though, sometimes I just didn’t want to see my dad’s picture move off the front page. It felt disrespectful or “too soon” for those who were still grieving. Then my mom got sick, and I had another project to keep me away from the keyboard as I drove back and forth to the hospital while trying to keep the web department at Generals International running. I tried off and on to post again, but it just didn’t feel the same and I only finished one article.

My dad’s death and my mom’s illness has thrown me off in every single way… so how do I recover or at least start writing again? Well, I’m not really sure, but for now I’m forcing myself to get back to good habits. My habits were formed over years and were wiped out with one phone call, so I have to force them back in. I’ve added a special repeating “Daily Tasks” bucket to OmniFocus. It forces me to repeat new habits (short ones, at least): read for 20 minutes, write for 20 minutes, clean for 20 minutes, etc. I could say that I’m turning over a new leaf and changing my lifestyle, but that wouldn’t be true. I’m just structuring in tasks that used to naturally be a part of my day until I can “want to write” without a checklist reminding me.

What else am I doing? I’m doing [whatever is important to me] now. I’m not putting my dreams off to wait for a long vacation in December when “I’ll have more time.” There’s enough unimportant tasks to keep me busy for lifetimes, but they won’t matter in the end. I don’t know what the end of this year will look like for me, but I do know my dad’s only regrets were the goals that he didn’t start pursuing until he was 50. He died after accomplishing so many dreams, but he spent decades waiting to start even more.

I don’t write in bullet points, but if I did, this article would be simple:

• Create habits
• Do something important

My best brain naps normally involve the aforementioned She Spies, Freakazoid!, UHF, or basically any Sci-Fi original movie. The key is it has to be stupid enough not to require your brain, but not so dumb that you start thinking about how bad it is. You’re not trying to start an internal Mystery Science Theater 3000 monologue about the dumb actors because that is what we call counter-productive. That movie may just seem stupid, but it has to be wily enough to get around all of your brain’s guards and attempts to “think things through”. It has to appear innocent while it lays it’s trap.

Mansquito (on Sci-Fi at 3am): “Hey, Jeremy’s brain, I know you’ve been spinning on all cycles to optimize those database queries for some obscure use case, but why don’t you just take a break. Let me take over an hour. Maybe two.”

Jeremy’s Brain: “No. I suppose I can try to relax a little, but I can’t just trust you to take over completely. I’m pretty important around here. There’s a lot of things I need to— Stop rubbing my shoulders, Mansquito. I have a lot to do and— okay, that’s the spot. Maybe five minutes.”

Mansquito: “Five minutes? That’s fine. I mean, I just want you to release that stress, brain. How’s that? Would you like a drink? I happen to have some merlot over here.”

Jeremy’s Brain: “No. I mean, I guess one glass wouldn’t hurt. Um, Mansquito? This wine tastes kind of funny. In fact, my head’s starting to—”

And that’s it. With it’s hypnotic, rohypnol-esque badness a Sci-Fi original movie takes over my higher functions and knocks my brain out for two hours. As the credits roll at the end, my brain starts to come around. After an awkward silence, I get up and my brain realizes it feels more energized. It’s recharged. It just woke up from the best nap it’s ever had. I run back to the computer, optimize those queries like nobody’s business, and get started on the next big thing. Eventually, my brain will start to remember a few fuzzy scenes of genetically altered mosquitoes, but we never really talk about it. The “brain naps” may be my only secret to sanity, and we both know they are uncomfortably necessary.

My father, Loren Greenawalt, passed away on Saturday, December 20th. My wife, Rebekah, took this picture of him one of the last times he came to town, and I know he would have loved this as a memorial. He was truly the most amazing, naturally gifted musician I’ve ever known and a loving person, and we’re praying that our children will inherit just some of his wonderful talent when they are born.